Thursday, July 7, 2016

No Control

I think one of the hardest parts so far about the divorce is now knowing what is being said about me from my ex spouse and others. I know I said and did some shady things but I own them and have forgiven myself.


I hope others can do the same and understand there are two sides to every story, even three. His, mine and the truth.


In the midst of turmoil true character shows and I'm not proud of mine but my intents were never to hurt anyone.


I have been living proudly and respectfully as of late and wish he could see that and be proud of me as well.


It kills me to know that the girl a few months back when this all started is the last and probably only he will remember and that is what I will be known for with him forever.


I'm better than that.
I loved/love him still.


Breaks my heart.

Friday, July 1, 2016

This American Life

...Is a fantastic podcast I listen to. On this week's episode the topic is choosing wrong.


The first gentlemen on the show is discussing marriage and it really stood out to me so I'm going to write down some of the thoughts he shares...


"Be incredibly forgiving for the weird behavior that's going to start coming out. You will be very unhappy lots of ways.


Your partner will fail to understand you. If you're understood you may be 60% of your soul by your partner, that's fantastic. Don't expect that it's going to be 100%.


Of course you will be lonely, you will often be in despair. You will sometimes think its the worst decision in your life, that's fine, that's not a sign your marriage has gone wrong. It's a sign that it's normal, it's on track.


And many of the hopes that took you into the marriage will have to die in order for the marriage to continue.  That some of the heaviness and expectation will have to die. It's very dark but in love darkness is a real friend of relationships because so many of the problems of love come from unwarranted optimism so we need to be dark..."




I know I was only married a short time but I still feel like I have learned so much about marriage. I love the idea of it and the above readings seem true but if that's the case than why the fuck would anyone WANT to get married, I mean what's the point other than loneliness? That's what I'm trying to figure out.