Writing

 Writing has been therapeutic for me. Random thoughts that don’t mean anything to anyone but makes me feel understood and heard to just write as if I’m more important than I am...

Had a long night but sober and just evaluating the evening and myself...

I always end up falling asleep to beauty and the beast after a night of drinking...somehow I stand up for what I believe right in hopeless situations....love having my kitty here when I come home, what a precious animal.

I guess what I’m getting at is I’m a good human. I really try and mean well. I’m so lost and confused and empty right now but I’ll keep fighting the good fight and enjoy those moments of peace and try to remind myself I’m not a garbage human. Having  a night out without John...I was sad hoping he is well but knowing he is getting wasted and also seeing its slim pickings out there so I get why people settle or stay single...what a night.

I care so much for him but don’t want to be his girlfriend. It’s strange. Just want to turn off and feel something good. I get so exhausted trying to be good all the time. Thankful for the good humans I know. Taking it a day at a time right now.